Feb 1, 2012
Today I choose to write about something that makes most people very uncomfortable. More specifically – most Christian men. I choose to write about this because it becomes a barrier between those who struggle with it and the ones they love, and more importantly, God.
Of course I am talking about pornography, and of course I am speaking from experience. I’ve struggled with this ever since I was a young teenager, but it didn’t really take off until I turned 18 and got my first laptop computer. I’ve never struggled with many temptations outside of pornography. Many teens struggle with alcohol and drugs amongst other things, but those things never tempted me. To me personally, no beverage could taste better than an ice cold Dr. Pepper (I still hold steadfast to that opinion). Pornography, which I will from now on abbreviate as “P”, was the one thing that I really struggled with as a teenage Christian. For years I was a leader in the church, standing on a stage singing worship songs, putting my closet sins on the backburner and refusing to acknowledge them as sins. I knew it was wrong, I always felt bad when I did it. For some reason though, that wasn’t enough to make me stop.
I remember thinking that when I got married, the temptation would cease to exist any longer. Marriage would be my key to freedom, as my wife would be able to satisfy my needs whenever I wanted, thus making the temptation to look at "P" disappear. Then I got married, and I found out that my temptation with “P” was not linked to my gratification in the bedroom with my wife. It instead was a tactic from the enemy to separate me from my wife, my ministry, and God, and as long as I kept the door open to be tempted, the enemy would always come against me. I had blockers on my computer, I had my wife disable the internet on my phone, I went through several methods of prevention that would assure me of escaping this. In the end though, I could always find a loophole. I felt trapped, like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t escape the temptation. Then I remember discovering this verse:
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” - 1 Corinthians 10:13
It dawned on me that while I had admitted these sins to my wife and my accountability partners, I had never really admitted them to God. For the longest time I felt like it was unnecessary, like I could conquer my struggles on my own. The verse above says that “HE” will provide the way of escape, not anything or anyone of this world. In order for him to do that, I had to lay my burdens at his feet and acknowledge that without him, this is something I could not master. I saw that verse as a promise from God that if I committed to purifying my life, he would provide an escape for me.
If you are like me and this is something that you constantly battle with, I hope and pray that you make the decision to give it to God. He has provided you with an escape, you just have to make the choice as to whether you truly want to escape or not.
There are a few resources I’ve provided towards the bottom of this blog. Some websites that will help you to install accountability software on your computer, phone, tablet, etc…My email address is also included, and if you need to chat with someone about your personal struggles, my door is open. Last I've included a link to a song that I wrote called “Hero” about my struggle that is on my latest album. You can download this song free of charge through this link.
Thanks for reading,
X3 Watch - http://www.x3watch.com
Free download on Noisetrade: http://noisetrade.com/devindean